Infamous Love: A Mountain Haven Novel Read online

  As I talked, Henry’s face softened. “I wish you felt like you could come to me. I wouldn’t have judged you. I believe you.”

  I closed my eyes at his confident words. He believed me. What I would have given for someone to believe me then.

  Henry whistled, indicating he understood the gravity of the situation. “I get it. I don’t blame you for wanting to protect yourself, for wanting to start over. I just want you to know that I won’t judge you, and my family sure won’t.”

  I opened my eyes; every muscle in my body tensed. “What about Elle?”

  He crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t know her that well, so I don’t know for sure. If things between you are serious then you might want to consider telling her sooner rather than later.”

  It was a confirmation of what I was already thinking. Still, the idea made me nervous. Telling her was different than telling Henry. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I was afraid you’d look at me in disgust and wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore, and let’s be honest, you’re my only friend.”

  “You had your reasons. I just hope you’re happy here, that you stay.”

  “I have no reason to leave.” Elle was a big reason to stay. Being with her was like opening a curtain to my future. I could see us together so clearly, a home, pets, a family. Anything was possible if I opened up to her, if I took a chance.

  “I’ll let you get back to work. Thanks for telling me. It explains a lot.”

  I nodded, unable to say anything over the lump in my throat. I needed to focus on work. My next appointment was in a few minutes. I needed to figure out the best time to tell Elle when all I wanted was to bask in the afterglow of last night.

  I felt lighter after talking to Henry and unloading my truth on him. It surprised me that he was more upset about me not telling him than what happened. He didn’t doubt me, didn’t accuse me of being involved; he supported me. It was more than I’d hoped for any time I’d imagined confiding in him. I hadn’t expected it to feel so good.

  He was right. I shouldn’t wait to tell Elle.

  Chapter 16

  Elle

  The vegetables were still hard. I’d put the food in the slow cooker around lunchtime and set it on low when I probably should have put it in this morning or at least on high. He’d messaged during the day asking me when he could see me again. I was already regretting inviting him over to test my first foray into solo cooking.

  Worried the food wouldn’t be done in time, I transferred the soup to a pot on the stove. While it was simmering, I rushed to my room to get ready, taking a quick shower. I also felt like I still had hair on me after working all day, even if I didn’t.

  Checking the soup, I heard a light knock on the door. It was probably Gray because I’d told Piper to let him come up. Crew ran for the foyer, his claws skidding across the floor. When I opened the door, Crew darted out, jumping up on Gray’s legs.

  “Sorry.” I was a little embarrassed Crew was jumping when I was supposed to be training him.

  “He’s a puppy.” Gray crouched down to greet him, scratching behind his ears. “Hey, buddy.”

  His black button-down shirt was rolled to his elbows, exposing strong forearms. He wore dark wash jeans and stylish boots. He smelled good, like aftershave, leather, and something uniquely him.

  I felt a little light-headed as I gestured inside. I didn’t want Crew running out. He loved to escape down to the shop, grabbing whatever he could find. “Come in. It’s almost ready.”

  It was hard to believe he was with me, that this was real when my past relationships had been anything but.

  He stood, our eyes meeting. My breath hitched at the intensity in his.

  Stepping closer, he placed his hand on the side of my face, lightly stroking my cheek. “I’ve been thinking about how I left you all day. The sheet pooling at your waist, your bare breasts, your hard nipples begging for my mouth.”

  My core clenched at the image, my nipples peaking at the hint of his wet mouth on them. My breath came in short pants. I loved that he’d thought of me all day. “Is it bad I like that?”

  He kissed me lightly. “You’re the best kind of distraction.”

  “Oh yeah?” I let a smile play on my lips because I liked this side of him, focused and intent on me.

  He kissed me again, a little deeper, continuing what we started this morning. “I wanted to lose myself in you.”

  “Yes. Please.” When had someone ever said anything like that to me? Sex had always been something quick. The guy usually saw me as a means to an end, not someone to lose themselves in. His sweet words made me think I could easily fall for him.

  He cupped both cheeks, bending his knees slightly, increasing the pressure of his lips as if he wanted to ensure I wasn’t going to disappear, guaranteeing I was going to stay.

  His words, his hands, his lips, I’d never felt more worshipped. I blinked when he pulled back, overwhelmed with the feelings he was evoking in me. Feelings I’d never had with anyone else.

  He stepped back, dropping his hands. “What are you making?”

  I took a second to pull myself together after that greeting. Still a little flustered, I said, “Chicken tortilla soup. It seemed easy, but it wasn’t cooking fast enough, so I transferred it from the slow cooker to the stove.”

  “It smells good.”

  “I hope it tastes as good as it smells.” I busied myself pulling avocados, cilantro, and green onions out of the fridge as well as tortilla chips from the pantry.

  “Can I help?” His voice sounded close.

  “Can you put these in a bowl while I cut up the veggies and slice some avocado? Salsa is in the pantry if you want some.” I pointed out the cabinet with bowls for him.

  I wanted to forget about dinner, take things to the bedroom, but I was a little unsure about his intentions. If he said he wanted a friends-with-benefits situation or that it didn’t mean anything, I’d be crushed.

  He dumped tortilla chips in the bowl, placing the salsa in a smaller one. He ate chips and salsa while he talked about his day, the pets he saw, the funny things they ate, and the owner who brought their dog in for every suspected ailment.

  It was nice to hear about his day. I suspected he didn’t talk to too many people like this, unguarded. I spooned the soup into bowls, placing it on the small two-person table I hadn’t used since I moved in.

  “Did you want a beer or a margarita?” I asked him.

  Gray topped his soup with the extras I’d sliced. “A margarita sounds good.”

  I poured us each a glass, looking forward to relaxing. “Thanks for being my guinea pig. I’ve been wanting to experiment with cooking and baking.”

  “Is there anything else on your list?”

  “I guess living on my own, no roommates.” I hesitated, wondering if I should tell him I’d never dated anyone seriously. Would he even believe me? “I haven’t been with anyone like this.” I wondered if he’d think I was immature or anti-commitment in admitting that.

  He glanced up from his soup. “You’ve never had a boyfriend?”

  “Not really. Nothing serious. I couldn’t trust most of the people in my life.” Admitting that left me feeling vulnerable.

  “I’m sorry.” His expression was filled with regret.

  I hoped his reaction meant he wanted something more serious.

  “I trust you, so that’s new for me.” I was trusting him not to hurt me. I was certain he was nothing like the boys I’d dated in the past. He didn’t want the limelight or some easy road to quick money. He worked hard to avoid scandal. I wanted to be worthy of him.

  He shifted in his chair, running a hand through his hair. “I trust you too.”

  His actions belied his words. There seemed to be something on his mind, something he wanted to say. I hoped it wasn’t something I didn’t want to hear.

  “This is really good.”

  I smiled, pleased it had turned out. “It’s a fairly simple recipe. I don�
��t know why I didn’t think I could cook before.”

  “Maybe it’s that you never tried.”

  “Yeah, maybe.” Maybe I was good at being a good person, being honest and truthful. I could be a good girlfriend and a successful business owner. My past didn’t have to define who I was now.

  We finished eating in silence. Gray helped me clean up, putting the food away and placing the dishes in the dishwasher.

  I turned to him about to suggest a movie, but his face was tight. Something was bothering him.

  “Can we talk?”

  My smile faltered. “Okay.”

  Had I scared him away by telling him I trusted him? Was it too much too soon? Had he felt obligated to say he trusted me too? I hated semantics or playing games. I wanted to be upfront with Gray, as much as I could, anyway.

  He led me to my couch, sitting next to me. He took my hand, holding his forehead in the other as if he was searching for a place to begin. “I grew up in a small town in Maine. I told you my parents were divorced. I lived with my dad.”

  Still confused, I nodded.

  He ran his fingers through his hair, sighing deeply. “What I didn’t mention was that I lost my house and my father at eighteen, the summer before I went to college.”

  I pressed my free hand against my chest. My heart ached for him. “Your father died?”

  He startled at my assumption. “I’m sorry. That came out wrong. The feds raided our house in the middle of the night.”

  My heart raced at the thought of what it would have been like to be woken up by the police. How scary would that have been? To have your home, the place you felt safe, invaded. I squeezed his hand, silently telling him I supported him, not wanting to interrupt.

  His eyes were focused across the room. It was like he was reliving that night, his face filled with pain. “They handcuffed both of us, placed us on the couch so an officer could watch us while they rummaged through our things. I thought it was a mistake. I wanted my father to reassure me everything was going to be okay. He couldn’t because they found millions of dollars of cash in his safe.”

  “Oh, Gray. I’m so sorry.” I wasn’t sure what his father was involved in. It must have been bad to have that amount of cash, to have the feds beating down your door.

  He continued, not acknowledging what I’d said. “They arrested both of us that night, unsure if I was involved. I was held for questioning, but they finally let me go when they couldn’t prove I knew anything. I was shocked and so confused by everything that was happening. Nothing made sense.”

  I wanted to move closer to him, wrap my arms around him, and comfort the boy whose world had been turned upside down. I wasn’t sure he’d welcome it. He looked split open.

  “They seized everything, our house, the property, my dad’s store, his savings. The only thing I had left was a trust fund he’d set up in my name.”

  “At the time, I felt like I didn’t deserve that money because Dad might have acquired it illegally. My mom convinced me I should use it. Dad wanted to protect me in case something happened.”

  “He went to prison?” I asked tentatively, knowing this was painful for him to admit, maybe even embarrassing.

  Gray lowered his gaze. “He’s still there. It was a big deal, one of the largest drug trafficking operations in Maine involving sheriff deputies, local politicians, and several business owners. My father was at the center of it, laundering money through his hardware store. It made national news. I couldn’t escape it. Reporters were hounding me. My girlfriend dumped me. My friends didn’t want to be associated with me. It was too small of a town to keep my head down until it blew over.”

  I could imagine how horrible something like that would have been at a young age. It was so unlike what I experienced, it made me feel remorseful for thinking my past was horrible. It was nothing compared to what he’d gone through.

  “I moved to Colorado to start over. I didn’t want anyone to know. I went from having everything to not knowing who I could trust, what was real, and what wasn’t. Everything I thought I knew was a lie.”

  Tears pricked my eyes. This was why he seemed more comfortable with animals, keeping people at a distance. He didn’t trust anyone not to hurt him. I unlaced my fingers from his, pulling his arm around me so I could cuddle into his side. I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around him. I wasn’t sure what I should say. All I knew is that I wanted to relieve his pain. I wanted to be there for him.

  “I’m so glad you’re exactly who you say you are.”

  I stiffened in his arms. Did he know?

  He worried that at any moment he’d lose what he had―his home, his job, his friends. I pulled away so I could see his face.

  How could I tell him I wasn’t who he thought I was? I touched his cheek. “You are not to blame for what your father did.”

  He laughed without any humor. “That’s not how it felt back then. There was speculation and rumors. How could I not know? I lived with him.”

  “You were innocent. You have a right to be happy, to let people in, to trust they’re not going to hurt you.” You were a child. The words echoed my past. Was I too hard on myself?

  Relief passed over his features, his shoulders lowered. “I want that with you.”

  “I do too.” I swallowed down the truth, wanting to show him how I felt. It was imperative that he never forget my touch or the press of my lips on his.

  I straddled his lap, cupping his face in my hands. Not able to say the words, I tried to convey them with my eyes. I believe in you. If I said them out loud the next three words would be, I love you. He wasn’t ready. I said the only words that would penetrate. “I want you.”

  He gripped my hips, eyes flashing with need, want.

  I wanted to give him this.

  I rocked slowly over his hardening length, kissing his neck and the corner of his mouth. A brief brush of my lips on his, softer this time, more of a promise than a declaration. “I want you, Gray.”

  I wasn’t walking away from him. I wasn’t scared. I’d stand by his side like I hoped he’d stand by mine.

  He stood, a guttural groan erupting from his lips as if he couldn’t believe I was his. His arms banded around me, holding me tight, my legs wrapped around his waist. The pressure of his arms around me made me feel safe. Our mouths met, our tongues tangling as he purposely made his way to my room, lowering me to the bed, whispered promises falling in between kisses.

  We ripped our clothes off one by one, never losing each other’s lips for long. It was like we couldn’t get enough of each other. We had to keep touching, kissing each other to maintain the connection we’d made on the couch when he’d confided in me, when he’d told me his deepest darkest secret.

  I was important to this man. He needed me. I had to be the woman he deserved, honest and caring. I’d do anything to be worthy of him. Unfortunately, if I told him my truth he might not be so understanding. He might see me as a weak person, allowing myself to be pushed around by producers for ratings.

  When there was finally nothing between us, he whispered against my lips, “Do we need protection?”

  I pulled away slightly to see his expression. He trusted me. He wasn’t just saying that, he meant it. “I’m on the pill. I’m clean.”

  “Me too. Are you okay going bare?”

  “More than okay.” I wanted to erase the secrets, take down the walls, unblock the barriers until there was nothing between us. Nothing that could break us apart. Not even rumors, history, gossip, or speculation. We knew what we had in each other. It was rare and difficult to find. I wouldn’t let it go without a fight.

  He slid inside with a roll of his hips. “Fuck. You feel so good.”

  I’d never been so in the moment, only aware of the slickness of his skin, the force of his thrusts, the tenderness of his lips, his touch.

  I arched up to meet him thrust for thrust, opening myself to him in the only way I could. An orgasm flowed through me, the suddenness taking me by surprise. It was
like a never-ending wave of sensation and emotion. The tears that pricked my eyes on the couch were back, threatening to spill over. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing him not to see.

  He kissed each eyelid, the corners of my mouth, my neck. “I’ve never felt this way before.”

  His voice was full of wonder.

  “Me either.” Tears filled my vision.

  “You’re unforgettable.” The words erupted from his mouth. He thrust one more time, deeper than before, shuddering his release, marking me as his.

  He kissed me long, hard, and deep in an effort to stamp the words on my lips.

  Words swirled in my head, not making full sentences or complete thoughts, words like love, need, want, forever, trust. Words I didn’t deserve, words I didn’t trust.

  He kissed me once more before going to the bathroom, bringing back a warm washcloth.

  My heart clenched hard as he carefully cleaned me before settling contentedly on my chest. He threw the washcloth on the floor before gently drawing me to him. H treated me like something, someone, to be treasured. I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t deserve him. Not when I hadn’t been honest with him the way he had been with me.

  “That was amazing.”

  By themselves, the words were cliché. Coupled with the emotion that heavily tinged his voice, the reverent swipe of his hand down my cheek, they were more potent than any drug.

  “You’re amazing.” He punctuated each word with a kiss down my body, his hands cupping my ass as he settled between my legs.

  He kissed each thigh, lifting his head to meet my gaze. “Let me love you.”

  The words hung in the air, before wrapping around us like a promise. “Yes.”

  He lowered his head, licking and sucking, the occasional scrape of his teeth unwinding the doubt and worries until nothing was left but us, his lips, and my need. By the time he used his finger to ease inside, I was desperate with raw need, fucking his finger and mouth, my thighs quivering. My fingers twisted in the sheets; my skin was slick with sweat.